Entire july first week was engulfed by my Certification preparation. Thanks to that I got a commendable rating for my confirmation...after that i gave 2 mocks which sucked up my confidence like wht the dementors did to Harry Potter...so i just bundled up all my CAT material aside and started reading non CAT stuff like Freakonomics and Harry Potter...which gave me a much sought after break from my CAT...

So, honey moon time is over and time to jump over the band wagon of CAT RAT Race... anyhow i need to analyse whts going wrong in my mocks... Initially when joined TIME.. Verbal was my strong area but the first mock which i gave shed me off from those dreams... from tommorrow im starting back my cat race lets see how i progress...

To achieve my right to get into an IIM, i joined T.I.M.E Triumphant Institute for management Education at Secunderabad in May and successfully completed 2 months coupl of days back. The All India Mock CATs which are highly valued and closest to Real CAT.

Till date I gave 3 Mocks and man! my confidence is dwindling down the hill...

here are my percentiles...

AIMCAT 0818 - 88

AIMCAT 0817 - 60

and 0816 was a free Mock open for all Mock which gives us the most realistic position in all the CAT 07 aspirants...

I have been soul searching for all the past two days to discover where i am going amiss.

now i have come to one logical conclusion....CAT, though people say that it is more becoming a concept oriented xam, requires very high speed in calculations and reading.

The latter is fine with me as my speed oscillates between 200 to 300 words per minute and taking present reading practices it surely will accrues in the coming months.

But my area of cencern is my calculation speed which can be defined as snail's pace in CAT standards. Due to this i am consistently loosing marks in the AIMCATS due to lack of time.

An also iam lately experimenting with different strategies, as far as my scores go, are failing miserably.

An also as CAT Notification came up today the anxiety is brimming and the question not-to-be-asked inevitably arises....Will I be able to crack CAT?

When i decided to go for CAT some two months back...little did i realise that i will be in present state of mind.

I attended the CAT 2006 Acheivers meet as soon i joined the classsroom coaching and the indication of confidence at that time was the incident when they asked who were confident enough to crack CAT...and i was the first person to raise my hand....wow...wheres all the confidence gone now....

On August 3rd i'll comlete my one year of work. Last year at this time i was busy shopping and getting my documents ready for submission.

So what really did i achieve...did i get wht i expected frm my first job...i fear the answer is in negative...

for this i do not blame my company, may be it was I who hadn't got the picture of how the life of an employee would be...

But i could delve into my soul and the result is that i'm able to get answers of many answered questions....most prominent one is that i do not live a 9 to 6 job for rest of my life...may be its partly because of my congenital nature that i tend to do things which others do not...and also my tastes in things borne testimony for that...i kind of movies i like...Ram Gopal Varma's...may be because they are more iconoclastic a different genre in itself...and partly because I'm a sagi ( zodiac) whose basic flaw and strength is being iconaclastic...

Well...i didn't tell you the main reason for this yet another blog! (i have already 3 blogs running in blogger)

Well...to im a typical Indian male following a typical Indian career...now u may wonder...wht a typical Indian career looks like...here it goes...

i went for a normal gully school where all the burgeons like me were shown the World in a quite unidirectional way... I thought all people should go to school, study and only study all the years till 10th... i hardly knew that how it was playing guitar...singing...playing basket ball or cricket...i was made to believe that studying hard and doing engineering or medicine was the only way to lead one's life in a respectable way...any career out of the norms was a blasphemy and so was least expected from me...

So...done with schooling with a very good ( at those times) percentage of 89...little did I know then what i missed...

I completed my +2 frm a very famous catholic college and thanx to that i cultivated my intrests which are other than studies...

anyhow... after that i gave my entrance exam for engineering... of course that was the only way i was left with after all arduous years of study...nothin but study. for 8 months i studied like ther was nothin else in my life... but destiny had already planned a nasty joke where i bundled the exam. Then started the sympathetic, empathetic calls frm my relatives consoling me for the disaster, little did they realise they in fact did the opposite.

Unable to take and only God knows why i did this...but i left for long term to another city where i encountered the least expected thing in my life... i gave my entrance the following year the same thing repeated but with bland effect...

Come to my engineering i till now dont know why i took the field i went into...Mechanical Enginnering...it was, for all the 4 years, an enigma to me which resulted in an Engineering degree which i can never boast of...

I always thought of going abroad for my higher studies...even this did not happen... i secured a job, of course IT, with a big Indian Company and workin from last 10 months here without knowing why im working...

I'm an MCP (Microsoft Certified Professional) which i have acquired in my 3rd yr engg itself...but even then im made to work in some damn design automation field which i always detested.

You may wonder y did i tell all this stuff...just that if now i turn back and see...nothin is as i wanted it to be... I'm partly responsible and my luck was always on the lower side...

But not anymore... i now strongly believe that you have to explore yourselves or delve into your ego and extract what you inherently good at and what you want to become....and im doing that slowly and confident enough that i will be able to change the path which im now into...

atlast i realised one vital maxim....FOLLOW YOUR HEART RATHER FOLLOWIN UR MIND...